


All for you

by stormy1990



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormy1990/pseuds/stormy1990
Summary: The game of fate was a cruel one and its intentions weren’t always clear. Sometimes what seemed like a lifeline could shatter the mirror of fate when ripped apart. Without knowing where to go and without being able to put the pieces back together, would you lose fate?
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15
Collections: KyomoHokku Soulmate Edition





	All for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blankcamellia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankcamellia/gifts).



> I apologize right away, because there is not as much happening as I wanted it to, but it was hard to fit any ideas I had in the first place into 3K so I hope you will enjoy this chaotic try to make this story work! And while I had more than just one look at your prompt list I feel terrible sorry for not being more creative to put more of them into this story, BUT maybe I put them into other stories? For now I hope you have fun reading this one!

With a numb feeling Hokuto reached out to that thin connection between them, so gentle in his hands yet it had been strong enough to guide them through all those dark times over the past years, until now. This was where even the thread of fate couldn't keep Hokuto from walking away. Not for his own good, but to do something for Taiga he had been trying to do for so many years and had never been able to.

The other one wasn't even looking at him. He had never looked at him in the first place. Hokuto reached out for the thin red thread hanging in the air, invisible to everyone’s eyes. So often had he turned his back at him and yet Hokuto didn't want to give up to take the other one's pain away. 

Years ago, in the middle of a normal school day, he had seen the thread for the very first time. A thin line connected to his chest, disappearing into thin air a bit away from his body, yet something seemed attached to it, another heartbeat, someone on the other side…

At the same time, he also experienced the pain for the first time. He didn't carry any scars yet he felt the pain on his wrists, like blades running over his skin. For weeks he experienced more and more inexplicable pain, driving him mentally into a corner when the red thread suddenly seemed to grow and guide his way. Right towards another school where he met him for the first time. The gloomy-looking boy who was walking with the other end of his red thread, yet he didn't seem to notice as he passed by Hokuto without looking up, his hands deep in his pockets, hiding all the dark secrets Hokuto would soon discover!

Years had passed since then and Hokuto had made impossible things possible, doing ridiculous research to find out what was going on and how he could help. Changing schools and befriending Taiga had been the easy part; getting Taiga to speak to him about his darkest secrets a whole different topic. 

When he felt like he had reached a wall and Taiga seemed to run out of time he chose another way just to find a secret of their connection he never wanted to find.

"For you," Hokuto let out in a low voice, stopping while Taiga kept walking, his eyes still so empty, his mind so foggy and his time running out. 

With slightly shaking fingers Hokuto closed his hand around the threat and while Taiga had never been able to see it and no one could actually touch or see the connection, it was more than real to Hokuto. The way the thread stretched in his hand before it ripped after he had pulled out a knife and cut it in half, made reality crush even harder on him.

As if the world around them hadn't changed a bit, Taiga kept walking while Hokuto flashed him a last smile. "It had always been all for you."

With slow steps Hokuto turned around, putting his hands into the pockets of his long coat as the evening hours got colder.

There had been so much more to their connection and Hokuto had wished for so long that he could take away all of Taiga's pain and all the darkness surrounding him, but no matter how much he tried, there had always been a limit to what he could do and each time the pain returned he felt more and more lonely as if the connection was more of a burden than of any help to either of them.

Then finally the solution had been found, a way to save Taiga while their path wouldn't be the same anymore. Had there ever been a path they walked together?

A thread that tied their lives together, yet it was the loss of that connection that would finally lift the burden of the older one.

Hokuto hadn't even given it a second thought, he had always hoped for a way and he would do everything for...for that person…

When his thoughts seemed to drift off into a place he had never visited before he couldn't hide a joyless chuckle. The warnings had been there, the outcome as he had expected, yet he wasn't afraid. The pain wouldn't disappear, it would only transfer. 

As if feeling too exhausted from even thinking about the other one Hokuto's steps got slower, his posture crumbling a bit to the front. He had looked at that kind of sad way of living for so long, yet it was only now that he slowly realized what the other one must have felt like all these years.

But now the connection was gone and with it something even more precious. He couldn't go back to tell him that he understood now. That it was clear to him now why he had pushed him away all this time, why he had been unable to ask for help. But it was too late, he had decided to take the other one's pain away to protect him and now that person was going to be finally happy and Hokuto formed a smile the the thought of winning his battle against fate. Then his smile faded away and he stopped walking, turning around to people walking around the street. People he didn't know.

"Taiga," he let out in an empty voice before he turned back and kept walking without looking back again, because there was no one to find. Because Taiga...who was that Taiga?

***

No one had ever bothered with his problems until Hokuto stumbled in his life out of nowhere. Stumbled wasn't the right word though, maybe more of a gentle first smile and a self-introduction followed by countless efforts to befriend the one boy no one else wanted to even look at. Annoyed yet somehow amused by the boy's stubbornness, Taiga had let him in, but just until a certain point, because never would he risk someone falling into the same dark abyss he was trapped in. 

It was unfortunately exactly that abyss Hokuto seemed so interested in, but the fear of destroying someone else's life was just too big. Taiga knew that he couldn't be saved. There was no place for someone to walk next to him on his endless journey through hell. He hadn't chosen this path yet fate had. He had been feeling so empty since he could remember himself, like an invisible hole slowly swallowing his whole being from the inside, no one able to see it growing, no one able to hear him screaming. Yet Hokuto had heard him! 

Finally, someone had heard him and someone had stretched out his hand to pull him out of his misery, but it had been too late. The fear was too big, his heart too hollow to actually reach out for that one lifeline.

Yet he always hoped to find the other one following him! It was his secret, yet he always looked back at Hokuto. He also wanted to take the boy's worried expression away and apologize for not being strong enough to do so.

That one day though he felt a sudden change. As if a life force he didn't even know he carried awakened in him and filled the hollow parts and stopped the empty space inside of him from growing he stopped and looked up as if he saw the sky for the first time.

"Hokuto…," he let out with a wide smile. A smile the other one wanted to see so badly yet he had never been able to show it to him.

With his newfound courage Taiga swirled around to face the other one who would always follow him around, always...except for this one time…

With a panicked expression Taiga started walking, trying to find Hokuto between all the people crossing his way, but then his steps got slower as if he had lost track of where to go.

"Hokuto?" He let out in a low voice, feeling confused about voicing out a name he didn't know. 

***

Why was life so cruel to him? Nothing had pointed towards the direction he was heading now, the abyss he had fallen into had come out of nowhere, while he had looked up at a bright future instead of watching his dangerous last step ahead. 

Like trapped on the other side of a mirror Hokuto could only watch each day pass by, people coming and going like shadow and light, but no matter how good their intentions were, there was no one strong enough to break the glass trapping him inside his own dark world.

He felt like he had seen this world from afar before, but he still couldn’t grasp why he was doomed to experience it as well.

With night and day feeling like the same tormenting passing of hours in the dark Hokuto couldn’t bear it anymore. As if he was missing someone walking in front of him he felt like walking in circles, never finding a goal worth running for.

So he had set a goal easier to reach and right here in front of him. The cool breeze would be called gentle by other people and the view astonishing, yet all he could see was another day that would soon turn into night without any kind of emotion reaching his heart, because there was only that empty spot, something that had once been filled. 

“You took it away all by yourself,” Hokuto scolded himself, not even sure what he was talking about. It didn’t feel right to make this step, it didn’t feel as satisfying as it should be to leave the railing behind him, but what else was there to find? Where else to go? Yet he waited, as if for once he didn’t have to look to the front to find someone, but to the back. Waiting for someone to catch up to him, but no one was there.

“All for you,” Hokuto repeated what he had said in a time he couldn’t recall anymore, to a person he didn’t want to remember, because if he did then all his sacrifices were good for nothing. Whatever big sacrifice he had made before he couldn’t remember, but this time it was just a tiny little step...and he took it…

***

Life had never been better! There was absolutely nothing Taiga should worry about, yet there was this tiny little spot in his chest which always gave him some irritating feeling. Then at some point, it had started, the pain! Crawling under his skin without leaving any marks, yet he felt like he could hear whispers in the back of his head. Such a low whisper that it sounded as if whoever was calling out for help didn’t want to be found. 

“All for you…” Taiga heard the voice echoing in his head more and more often, until one day he accepted this empty spot in his chest and decided to not turn his back just to enjoy his time walking in the sun with no worries about stepping into a shadow next. 

On exactly that day he began to see! A thin red thread, connected to exactly that spot in his chest, which always seemed to not be a part of him. The thread didn’t lead him anywhere though. It just vanished midair, not giving him any hints about where to go.

Not willing to give up, he was eager to spend hours over hours, days over days, and months over months to find who didn’t want to be found!

A secret had finally been told to him, and with it, the voice in his head got louder and the thread suddenly began to stretch, showing him the way. “I never looked,” Taiga let out, as a reply to the voice he could hear in his head. “Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t.”

With a determined look Taiga took the thread between his long fingers and caressed it. The one lifeline he had lost once and would never lose again. 

The way was clear ahead of him, yet the voice in his head seemed to get lower as if it was trying to keep him away instead of guiding him in the right direction.

Yet fate wasn’t that easy to outrun and the moment he heard the familiar words in his head again, he screamed and stretched his arm out at the same moment the red thread was hanging in the air right in front of the part it had been missing for all this time.

“HOKUTO!”

The one in question turned with wide eyes, but he had already stepped away, one foot already in the air when he turned around with the most hurt expression Taiga had ever seen. 

His look said it all. He shouldn’t have come! He shouldn’t be there! He had done everything to turn his life around, to make him happy, yet Taiga wouldn’t leave it at this and he reached out, catching the other one’s forearm and out of reflex Hokuto closed his hand as well, stopping his fall right in time to get pulled back towards the railing. 

“You...Taiga…” Hokuto let out as if he had awoken out of deep sleep or had actually fallen into a nightmare, because he immediately shook his head and Taiga needed to claw his hands into the other one’s sleeves to stop him from letting go after all.

“You shouldn’t have come,” Hokuto whispered, but Taiga didn’t even try to have a conversation yet, all he did was forcefully pull him back over the railing, while Hokuto was luckily still in too much shock to actually fight back.

“All for you,” Taiga said in a calm voice while Hokuto was sitting on his knees with an empty expression and Taiga crouched down in front of him. “You said it was all for me, but I also did all this for you.”

Their memories were still blurry, conversations not all put together and their feelings a puzzle with too many lost pieces to see the whole picture. Yet Hokuto slowly seemed to understand and his body started shaking under the realization of what he had been about to do.

“You suffered so much,” Hokuto let out, his tears running in silence while the other one hurried to gently put his hands on the other one’s cheek.

“And you took all that suffering away, yet you took so much more with you. Did you know that when you cut the thread you will take the pain and the memories, yet you will leave a hole?”

“But you were supposed to become happy,” Hokuto whispered in a shaky voice on which Taiga formed a grateful smile.

“I could have chosen to become happy,” Taiga explained, but then lifted the thin thread and as if opening his eyes for his first time Hokuto looked at in realization about what he had done as he reached out to his chest to find the thread ending midair. “Instead of walking away though, I chose to learn how to see! Because you have always watched me, even when I wasn’t able to watch you. Fate sometimes has horrible tasks to make us understand what real happiness means.”

“We had to get lost to be found,” Hokuto concluded and he felt like there was still so much more to learn about their connection and he felt a bit embarrassed about the way he had run off with the first best knowledge he had gathered.

Taiga put the end of the thread in his hand and held it out to the other one and Hokuto hesitated a moment. But then he realized that yes, he had been trapped in a mirror, but only because his reflection hadn’t been there. Finally able to form a smile again he reached out for the other one’s hand and squeezed it. 

The moment Taiga’s chest finally seemed to fill up with the happiness he had been missing in his newfound life he leaned to the front, pulling the other one with a gentle touch on his neck into a passionate kiss. 

Wounds would need time to heal, memories needed stories to be put back together, but fate had shown them that as long as they were always making sure the other one was watching there was nothing that could ever cut their red thread of fate ever again.

When Taiga pulled back with a brief smile, he leaned a bit to the front and pressed his forehead against the younger one’s before he pulled their hands right between them. When they opened their hands, the two parts of the thread had merged back together, leaving them with a connection that was teaching the other one all the secrets and all the pain they had hidden from the other one.

“And in the end, it’s all for you after all,” Hokuto let out when he looked up at the other one with a mix of grief and relief. Nothing would be as before, no miracle would fix what they had lost, yet time could indeed heal and they were more than willing to take all the time it took to put back together what they had lost.

Taiga put his hand with a soft touch back on the other one’s face, stroking away the last tears before he shook his head.

“Not all for you, all for us.”

  
  



End file.
